Confused and in need of advice

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Confused and in need of advice

Post by hopalongkim on Sun Dec 19, 2010 12:11 am

On October 24th one of my best friends passed away. She killed herself. I was in a support group with her, and she was like my big sister. No one knew we were really good friends, but obviously they found out after she passed. Everyone exspects me to be over it now, and to be okay with it. But I just dont get how I can be okay with something like that. After she died, and even now I blame myself for her dying. I feel like there was something I could have done to help. But, anyway, I just dont know how to be okay with something like that. I dont know if she went to heaven or hell. I dont know if she is happier now. I dont know if I will get to see her again. EWveryday I cry because sher is gone. The day after she died, I relapsed from not cutting for 4 months. I know she wouldnt have qwanted me to, which is why I stopped again. I have changed my life after she left, I started to realize that there was uch more i could live for, and I stopped hating so many people and started loving. But in the end, I always go back and wonder why. Why she decided she couldnt take it anymore. But now, I feel responsible for what happens to the younger girls in my grou, theyre all like my little sisters...

If anyone has any advice on how to get through it or how they may have managed it, it would be greatly appreciated.
~Kim
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Re: Confused and in need of advice

Post by Guest on Tue Dec 21, 2010 12:45 pm

No matter what pain or sadness or shortcoming or sickness is infiltrating your life, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7)."

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Re: Confused and in need of advice

Post by Lina on Sun Dec 26, 2010 11:54 am

hi kim,

first of all, im sorry about your friend. i dont know how hard it is to lose one of your best friends. i do know its hard. and you cant get over it like everyone else does. everyone needs their own time and ways to heal from things like this. its not easy and im proud of you for knowing that cutting yourself isnt what your friend would want you to do. im proud of you for loving insteat of hating. i changed my life that way after my mom died. i understand how you feel about that. i also blamed myself when my mom died. but i know that thats not true. i was not to blame. and you are not to blame. you did not kill her. she made that dissision. she stole herself from you. thats not your fault. i understand it feels that way and sometimes it even really makes sense to think and believe it, but its not true!

second, i dont know wether youll see her again and wether shes in heaven or not. but i think you gotta trust God in this. and thats also hard. worrying about this, will not change anything.. i pray for you that God will give you peace and rest so you can fully live life.

i think you have too much feelings of responsibility. its good to have some, but too much is not good. im like that myself. i worry bout my friends a lot and i always try to do everything right. sometimes we need to let go. God gave us freedom. he wants you to be free. you are not responsible for your friends or family. they all are free and have to make their own dissisions and take their own responsebiblity.

u are worth more than you think! and God wants to give you life, to the fullest!
im prayin for you
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Re: Confused and in need of advice

Post by Steph on Sun Dec 26, 2010 9:55 pm

Kim,
Losing a loved one is extremely tough and I don't think it's something that you get over but its something that you walk through with Jesus by your side (read Isaiah 43:1-3). Look at all the "throughs" used in that passage. Losing a loved one to suicide leaves so many more emotions in those left behind. Guilt is a big one, but know that you do what you can do and ultimately your friend made the choice.

I can't answer the why question, apart from saying that Satan was at work in her life. Any time someone commits suicide Satan is at the center, creating havoc. But also know that Satan and his crew don't have any power apart from what God allows. Which means that even in this horrible circumstance, God is Soveriegn and can turn such an ugly horrible situation into beauty. We may never know why God allows such things to happen in this life, but we must trust that He does have a purpose in it, far beyond our understanding at times.

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