Billion *Trigger*

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Billion *Trigger*

Post by Beauitful Disgrace on Tue Jul 12, 2011 2:21 pm

Billion * Be careful Trigger*

I wanted to see the blood
I wanted to see the line
Not wanting to give up my recovery time
I took a balloon
Filled it was red dye and water
Taking a blade I imaged it was my arm
Slowly pulling the blade
over and over again
No blood
No beautiful lines
In an attempt to make my dream come true
I stabbed the balloon
A rush of red water flow all over the tub
The balloon that once was filled to release me from my self
Was now lifeless in my hand
Yet I still feel as if I'm going to blow in to a billion pieces
Cleaning up my small mess I forget to grab the key tool
The blade
After a few moments I go back to get it thankful that no one found it
Remembering I didn't have pockets
I place it in my bra
Thinking no big deal its only going to be there a few moments until I can get to my office
Feeling it there
I go from blowing into a billion pieces to a million.

MLD July 12 2011

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Re: Billion *Trigger*

Post by Steph on Tue Jul 12, 2011 4:51 pm

What a good idea to use a balloon instead of cutting yourself! God knows all those billion pieces you were broken into and holds them in His hand. He will make you whole again.

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Re: Billion *Trigger*

Post by Beauitful Disgrace on Tue Jul 12, 2011 5:49 pm

Using the ballon was a last moment idea to try and safe, while I was safe and didnt harm, it didnt really work for me I didnt get the 'high" i was looking for which in a way made me even more upset so I went for my fall back plan ..Sleep.

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